Category: The Care and Feeding of your Aspie

Travel… A word that rings like a gong of dread in the hearts of the NTs that we let into our lives. And I will admit, I cannot blame them. Aspies are not easy to get along with at the best of times… but when you take us out of our comfort zone, we can…

Since I have migrated over to this shiny new website, it has become easier for people to track me down. This means that people have been able to send me some email… Some of it kind of hateful… AND some of it is coming from the anti-vaccination crowd… I have spent the last couple weeks…

I have actually been researching this piece for well over a year. I originally intended this to be the second or third installment in the series and – as you can see – it has taken a lot longer than intended to get the piece out… as you read it, you will see why… There…

This piece is controversial in nature. Many Aspies will disagree with the sentiments expressed in this article. I mean no disrespect, and like many of the articles in this series, I only speak for myself. Aspergia – proper noun; A fictional country that is characterized by citizenship that is comprised exclusively (or almost exclusively) of…

I should write a great deal… Let me reword that… I should write more on THIS series. But I can’t. Let me explain… Writing is one of my “Special Interests.” I discuss the basics of Special Interests HERE. As previously discussed, special interests are obsessive in nature and release hormones that create a sense of…

If you’ve read my blog, then you are probably aware of the fact that I am a photographer. I have been taking photos since I was six. Now, this and of itself, has nothing to do with my condition… But the way my thought processes and perceptions have evolved were completely dependent on this lifelong…

I knew someone who compulsively sharpened pencils According to studies, Autistic Spectrum Individuals tend to engage in ritual behavior.  I have found many studies on the subject but the abstract on THIS ONE states it clearly and succinctly. “Ritual behaviour, while often considered as nonpurposeful or problematic, can also be regarded as functional behaviour for individuals with…

This issue was inspired by personal experience… I went to a party for New Years Eve. I have scrubbed references to the location and the name of the event from this account. What I will reveal is that it was at a shop dedicated to one of my hobbies, and there were about 30 people…

There have been several studies in recent years that have revealed something interesting. According to these studies, more than 50% of Autistic Spectrum Individuals suffer from gastro-intestinal problems. Often there will be digestive problems, food allergies and the like. There has been a lot of discussion about these issues, but there is no one answer…

This entry was prompted by a discussion on Wrong Planet. It is a clarification of points made in a discussion about perceived violence from Autistic Spectrum Individuals… I am not going to be discussing the original topic, but instead focusing on my opinion of Point of View. I believe that there i a fundamental disconnect between…

I often pull inspiration for issues of this series from several sites that I belong to. This one comes from www.wrongplanet.net. A man is concerned about his son. The boy is 15 and lives with his mother in another state. The boy, recently has stopped talking to everyone but his father. He won’t speak to his…

I was contacted today, as the previous post mentioned by a gentleman from Poland. Care and Feeding is being translated into polish and can be found here http://care-feeding-aspie-pl.blogspot.com/

I received and email today… It was awesome… I have approved… Hi, I’d like to ask you for permission to translate your blog post series “Care and Feeding of Your Aspie” to polish. It’s an awesome piece of work and I hope it would help people with AS (and also some people interacting with Aspies)…

When most people think back to their teenage years, they remember a time of tempestuous emotion, hormone changes, and other difficulties… I will say that I try not to minimize anyone’s personal experiences, but this is one time that I really have no choice… The changes of puberty are already a nightmare… Hormones – the…

I’m sorry… I had to do it. I was speaking to a woman recently. I told her that I was Autistic. She sucked her teeth at me and said, with an air of authority (and i quote) – “You aren’t Autistic… You HAVE autism.” First of all… Screw you… I’m the autistic… I have the…

These days, we hear the phrase “Self-advocacy” thrown a lot. But what, exactly, is self advocacy? The dictionary defines an advocate as “a person who speaks or writes in support or defense of a person, cause, etc.” It goes on to define advocacy as “the act of pleading for, supporting, or recommending; active espousal:” So… at…

I have touched on this topic in several issues of this blog before, but it has never been the focus of an issue… so… I think it deserves some extra time. Being and Aspie or Autist is something that most NTs cannot wrap their heads around. This is not a lack of intelligence or empathy…

First off, I would like to thank FNORD from www.wrongplanet.net for this topic. I started a thread on the website and asked people to offer up ideas for topics for the series… I have gotten a couple great suggestions.  So… You’ve gone through all the steps… You’ve started with the self assessment tests… You’ve talked to your…

I have been writing the Care and Feeding series for about a year now. I will admit that it is difficult at times to keep doing it… My comorbid conditions and Asperger’s can make it difficult to find motivation… and sometimes, it’s even harder to find the focus to sit down and write a piece……

So… I have dedicated a lot of words in this blog to the importance of getting an official diagnosis when dealing with… Well… I’ve focused on Asperger’s and Autism, but really… It is important to get a diagnosis for ANY mental health issue… but that is not what I need discuss to today… You finally…

When I was young, I discovered a book that, LITERALLY changed my life. It’s not what you think. It wasn’t a self help book. It was fiction. It was a novel by Orson Scott Card – Ender’s Game. This was the first time I had read a book that understood how children think and talk.…

BEHOLD! NEGATIVE LIGHT! This is one of those entries I have been putting off for a while… And the reason for it is that it kind of puts us in a negative light. There are two sides to the issue, really… Interrupting conversations… We do it. Unless it is a group of close friends or…

There is a question that I have encountered a number of times that bothers me. “Aren’t we all just a little Autistic?” I hold nothing against the people that ask this… As a matter of fact, several that have asked me that are good friends of mine. But I have to say that the answer…

Date night…mmm pasghetti! If you are romantically involved with an Aspie, it can be difficult to find things to do on dates. I can speak from experience… I am kind of difficult to deal with at the best of times. I am surprised and thankful that my female friends want anything to do with me,…

This is the kind of afternoon it was. Today, I spent a lovely afternoon with a close friend of mine. We’ve been talking about doing a photo shoot for the last few months. We finally got the time and were able to synchronize our schedules to get it done. While we were shooting, Nyx and…

Sometimes… it’s ok Sometimes it is completely appropriate to be impolite.No, Seriously. Politeness, at times is an affront to one’s true feelings. If you are in a situation where politeness would TRULY be damaging to self esteem, cause excessive dissonance or psychological damage… Then it is appropriate, allowable and NECESSARY to eschew politeness. This is…

Before you read this piece, I KNOW that hoarding is not exclusively with Autism Spectrum Disorders or Asperger’s Syndrome… HOWEVER, Autistic Spectrum Disorders in general and Asperger’s Syndrome specifically are marked by obsessive tendencies and “Special Interests.” This is a lie… we need all the things Anyone that has had any hobbies knows that there…

Realization! I came to a realization the other day. Before I wrote about it, I did some inquiring and some research. I’ve been struggling with this piece all day… It’s mainly because I cannot find a name for what I want to discuss. At first, I thought that it fit under the heading of Body…

The following statements about species, genetics and the like are not based in fact and are really only intended to drive home the point. I used to simply let hyperbole stand, but it seems that wasn’t working… people did not seem to catch onto the fact that it was hyperbole for this reason… or that…

I have been writing this series under a conception that was fostered by the basic classification of Asperger’s Syndrome. In the DSM, it has been listed as an Autistic Spectrum Disorder. And, as such, I have been approaching it from that precept… that Asperger’s and Autism are different manifestations of the same physical issues. I…

With the prevalence of Autistic Spectrum Disorders, one needs to know… Often, adults with Autistic Spectrum Disorders or Asperger’s will suspect that there is something wrong. They will feel it in their bones. They will see the bewildered looks others give them in social situations and know something is wrong. They will find themselves overwhelmed…

Well… I’m stuck… I have run out of material… I need suggestions for topics… I think I have two more that I can cover… but I need suggestions… Images in this NON-issue SHAMELESSLY stolen from the following sources:http://lifeaftercaregiving.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/out-of-ideas.jpghttp://www.calebwilde.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/help-me.jpg

The following is a description of anxiety according to the May Clinic: “Anxiety happens as a normal part of life. It can even be useful when it alerts you to danger. But for some people, anxiety persistently interferes with daily activities such as work, school or sleep. This type of anxiety can disrupt relationships and…

A lot of this series is based on personal exprience – either things that I think people need to know, things people say to me, or questions I am asked. This part of the series is no different. Recently, I had the mother of an Autist tell me that Autistic Spectrum Individuals have problems respecting…

High Definition Fiber Tracking… It’s been in the news recently… A LOT. HDFT is a form of Magnetic Resonance imaging that tacks the diffusion of water through neural tissue that transmits data throughout the brain. The study was conducted in two parts. The first part consisted of scans of of post-mortem human brains. The results…

This topic was recently requested on one of the forums I belong to. I have also been asked about it in person on several occasions. The question is “Should I tell my boss at work about being an Autistic Spectrum Individual?” I am of two minds on this topic. But before I get into that,…

There have been many blog posts dedicated to the ignorant things said to Autistic Spectrum Individuals over the years. Most of these posts are incoherent with rage… With good reason… Many of the things that are said are ignorant, which is not the fault of NTs… they don’t know any better… but many of these…

This originally started out as a rant. I was furious and I typed up a long diatribe that was supposed to be enlightening and funny and… well I don’t know what else it was supposed to be, but what I ended up with was an unintelligible mass of invective gibberish that made little (if any…

If you have an Aspie in your life, then you have invariably encountered the issue of money… Since we tend towards obsessive behaviors with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and the obsessive nature of Special Interests, money has always and will always be an issue for your Aspie. Studies show that between 53% and 68% of Autists…

As an Autist, I find myself in an odd position when dealing with NTs who do not know me, or my condition. NTs spend a lot of time talking. I mean a lot of time. Constantly. If you don’t believe me, take a couple minutes the next time you are out and about and listen.…

I was gonna put an autism awareness imagehere, but they are all puzzles… this is better.  Let’s talk about autism… Specifically what causes it… ACTUALLY… what doesn’t cause it. There is a lot of talk in the media and on social media sites about what causes autism. Most of the time, these people are placing…

I have talked about comorbid conditions a bit in this series, and as I find the time, ability and focus, I am going more in depth into some of specific conditions. ADHD is one of them. ADHD, is one that I suffer from. I have been striving to explain ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) to…

This part of the series is a meandering essay on the negative perceptions associated with certain words, my thoughts on perceptions of language, NT perceptions and a framework of understanding needed for advocacy. Some of the conversations I was in while researching this specific issue were a bit heated… and I will admit, I got…

This is a hot button topic for parents and Autists (Autistic Spectrum Individuals) alike. Before I get into the meat of this story, I want to provide a little background on this topic as it applies to me. As you have probably surmised from this series, I am an Autism Self Advocate. I am writing…

Since this guide is designed to facilitate communication and interpersonal relationships between Neurotypicals and Aspies, this entry is long over due. This is a list I have compiled from all over the web of things that Autistic Spectrum Individuals wish that Neurotypicals knew. These are not in any particular order, so please do not lend…

I have been putting off this issue for a while. No Autist (Autistic Spectrum Individual) wants to discuss meltdowns. Discussing it is a reminder that we are different. If you have an Autist in your life, and you have never experienced a meltdown… You are one of the lucky few. I have covered tantrum avoidance…

Let’s discuss Autistic Spectrum individuals and Depression. Studies have shown that Autistic Spectrum individuals suffer from depression at a higher than average rate than the mean. That is to say, there is a higher incidence of Depression in Autistic Spectrum individuals than there is in Neurotypicals. Several studies have also claimed genetic markers in common…

I have heard the Neurotypicals in my life comment on my processing and perceptions of pain. As a result, my sister (also Aspie) and I had a long conversation about Autistic perceptions, Neurotypical Perceptions and pain. We came to some interesting conclusions.  Often, you will notice some odd things about your Autist and their tolerance…

Parents of Autists (Autistic Spectrum individuals) want the best for their children. On of the biggest issues for Autists is socialization. The inability of their child to socialize in any meaningful way breaks many parent’s hearts. Parents will often seek to foster interpersonal relationships.  There are some common approaches that many parents take in this…

Behavioral models are boring diagrams, so here’s anawesome spaceship model. I like it, a lot. When psychiatrists discuss behavior, they refer to “models”. There have been numerous models used to describe the behaviors associated with autism in the years since scientists accepted that there is a neurological basis for the condition. While none of them…

Dating can be difficult for your Aspie for a number of reasons. Most of them, at least by my reckoning, are because of the expectations, perceptions and expectations of Neurotypicals. The reason this part doesn’t mention dating in the title is that this extends beyond the realm of dating and into many social situations as…

I know I have been making a big deal about how difficult having an Aspie in your life can be… And I’ve caught a bit of heat for it. The point of it has been to give you an honest and open appraisal of who and what we are. And I know… we’re all different…

The following is a piece of satire and is intended to be read as such. I have spent a lot of time researching my condition in an effort to understand what is really going on with my life. Almost every book I have read on the subject of Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum disorders…

The following is an open letter to the world. I write this as an Autism Self Advocate… I write this as an Autistic Spectrum individual… I write this as a self proclaimed champion of the rights and perceptions of other Autistic Spectrum individuals. Unlike Autism Speaks, I do not claim to be THE authority on…

The following statements are from personal experience and reasoning. I have Asperger’s Syndrome and am considered High Functioning by most standards. So, I can only speak for myself as the information applies to other High Functioning individuals. I do not have a frame of reference, nor do I claim to speak for those with greater…

This is a departure from the rest of the series. I have been writing this primarily to assist Neurotypicals in understanding their Aspies. In this part, I will be imparting some of the myriad social rules that we are inundated with throughout our lives. These will seem nonsensical to most NTs, but I assure you…

With the high rate of co-morbid conditions that accompany Asperger’s syndrome, and their secondary effects, skin problems, digestion issues, joint problems and any of the complications associated with anxiety disorders, it can be a chore to make sure your Aspie is taken care of, medically speaking. Which brings us to another issue – getting your…

Intelligence is a difficult thing to measure and quantify. Modern psychology does its best, but sometimes falls short in measuring it effectively. The best measurement that is available today is the Intelligence Quotient, or IQ. This score is calculated from a set of standardized tests to asses intelligence. William Stern is responsible for the label…

It is estimated that upwards of 80% of adults with Asperger’s Syndrome don’t have full-time jobs. There are a great many factors that contribute to this. Some argue that it is not because we cannot do the work, but instead because of socially inappropriate behavior in the job place. While this might be true in…

This part of the series was planned for a long ways down the road. Things, however, do change. In my case, a beloved pet died. I thought to myself, what better time than the present, but first… Rest In Peace – Tatsuo. I miss you. Every Aspie I know of has a thing with animals.…

This has nothing to do with the article… butit is DAMN GOOD ADVICE! So… you have an Aspie in your life. At least, that is a safe-ish assumption since you are reading this. It is also, I believe, a safe assumption that you are looking for a certain amount of understanding. To facilitate this, I…

Aspies (in fact, all high functioning autistics) have obsessive behaviors and interests. In the Aspie community, the term “Special Interests” has been adopted to refer to these behaviors. Special interests are exactly what they sound like – an interest that holds the attention of our scattered thought patterns. The reason these are “Special” interests is…

It doesn’t matter who you talk to, EVERYONE wants to fit in, to be loved, to be wanted. It is a basic HUMAN need. In spite of the fact that people OFTEN (this is not a blanket statement… it does not mean all  non-AS individuals) treat Autistic Spectrum individuals differently than they do others, we…

I participate on a couple Autistic Spectrum message boards. On one of these, I have been sharing this series – partly as a form of shameless self promotion; partly to get feedback and further ideas for the series; and partly to help others understand our condition. Recently a comment was made on the board that…

For a moment… this was cute. NOW… it’s justcreepy… It’s watching me. Today someone pointed out something about this ongoing series. He said, “Don’t you think that it’s a bit ironic that you have a series called, ‘Care and Feeding’ and you haven’t covered food issues, yet?” I pointed out that it was really odd…

Aspie weirdness  Aspies are, on the best of days, considered weird by NTs. A lot of that is just the Asperger’s, but at other times, it might be something else. Autistic Spectrum Disorders have a high incidence of comorbid conditions. What does this mean?  Well, comobidity is either the presence of one or more disorders…

Autistic Spectrum individuals and Parents/Family members of Autistic Spectrum individuals tend to rankle at the following statement.  Autism is a disease.  I find it odd that a group of people who are noted for their literal nature would react with such vehemence to such a simple statement.  The medical definition of a disease is “an…

This Ashwin Gopala Krishnan – a 23 year old man with autism and hismother as she comforts him after a breakdown at the beach. In past entries in this series, I have covered possible causes of agitation in your Aspie, but I have yet to talk about diffusing the situation. Management of stress, agitation and anger…

My friend (and I do consider you a friend) Jon suggested this issue of “Care and Feeding.” At first I was resistant. At first, I felt that my childhood was lacking in anything that could be helpful to parents of Autistics. I was raised by religious fundamentalists that felt that what was wrong with me…

It kind of feels like this Cognitive dissonance is defined as the discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognitions: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel “disequilibrium”: frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc. After reading those two statements, you are asking yourself, “What…

The following part in the series is not intended as an accusatory statement towards anyone who might be reading this. This covers a lot of ground that you may have witnessed, or even done yourself. Don’t take it personally.  So… your Aspie is upset and you don’t know why. There is a good chance that…

It is common for people with Aspergers to be upset by little things throughout their day. It can happen quickly and relatively easily. Sometimes, the least little thing can set your Aspie off. Aspies and Autistic Spectrum Individuals often suffer from stress from environmental influences that other people would either take in stride or not…

Whether or not you know it… or even if your aspie knows it… there are sensory issues associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. In many cases, these are tied into other issues, so your aspie may never realizes that he has these issues.  There are five senses and each can be effected in a different manner… Visual…

EDIT: It has recently been pointed out that throughout the series, I use the word “We” when referring to Aspies. It has been argued that the use of this word in this manner can be interpreted as my speaking for everyone on the Autistic Spectrum. This has never been my intent. I use the word…