What is wrong with me? Nothing!

November 30th, I had to call Canon Factory Service. My camera had a dead pixel. Fortunately, it is still under warranty.

December 6th, I sent my camera off for repair. They’ve had it since the 8th.

It sounds odd, but I am uncomfortable without my camera.

It started out as an existential crisis. I was concerned… I identify myself as a photographer. And honestly, what is a photographer without a camera? It took a little bit of thinking, but I finally realized, that I am not defined by a word.

But why am I still so uncomfortable, then?

I have Asperger’s syndrome. It is considered part of the autistic spectrum. No, I am not autistic… but I do think a great deal differently than most of those around me. It took a LOT of soul searching, but I finally identified what the problem is – why I am so uncomfortable without a camera.

Since my mind analyses every little detail of every little experience… EVERY LITTLE THING I SEE! I have spent my life learning to see the world through the lens of my camera. As an artist friend pointed out, I see things in shades of light. How it falls, shading, intensity, atmosphere, color… she sees things in terms of lines…

When I see something I find beautiful, I try to capture it. Without the camera, I can’t do that.

In short, I have been deprived of the lens through which I view the world. I have metaphysical cataracts until it comes back.

On the plus side, they should be shipping it back in the next week.

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